I don't get to tell the story very often anymore nor do I think about it much, but this weekend we got to visit with some dear friends whom God used to bring Ryan into our lives, so it's been on my mind again. Since I haven't shared this story on his blog yet, now seemed like a good time!
Tanya's two kids with Ryan and Abby.
(Forgot to get a picture of Tanya with the kids!)It was the second time we lost a set of twins and the eighth time we'd ridden the rollercoaster of joy, anticipation, hope, fear, confusion, heartache, and emptiness of losing a baby. You'd think it would get easier, but it doesn't. It only carves away at hope and joy, leaving a deeper hole each time. We had finished our homestudy with an adoption agency, and we were headed down that road when I had gotten pregnant again. I had so many questions about adoption, and though I was excited by it, I was still mourning the loss not only of the babies we had lost but also the loss of not being able to carry and give birth to a child.
It was at this point that God was beginning to give me a peace about our situation and teaching me to lean harder on Him. I felt as if I had been walking through a very long tunnel and had started to see some light at the end. I didn't know what the light was and I was incredibly weary, but I had a budding awareness of peace in God that had been lacking for the last few years. I was excited about the weekend ahead. I had signed up to attend a
Precept workshop along with a group from our church. When we got there, we found that our church group was scattered a bit instead of being in the same class. Everyone else went to sit together, but I didn't want the teacher or host to be inconvenienced and I figured God must have had me in this room for a reason, so I remained where I was.
In walked Tanya with a friend of hers. I hadn't met her before, but we chatted some and I discovered she had been adopted as an infant. I asked her if she minded me posing some questions to her about how she felt about being adopted. She was very open with me and generously answered all my questions. I told her our situation and that we were on the verge of being put into a pool of waiting families. We cried together and laughed together, and at the end of the day she asked if she could "walk this road" with me. She prayed with me then and there and promised to continue praying for us as we embarked on this journey. What a blessing to us she was that day and continues to be still!
A month passed and one evening when Ed answered the phone, it was Tanya on the other end. I don't usually remember things as vividly as I remember that evening. I was handquilting a baby quilt and still had the thimble on my finger when Ed said I needed to get on the other phone. Tanya asked if we were still considering adopting. After assuring her we were, she told us that her sister's good friend in Montana was pregnant and going to be placing her baby for adoption. She said it was a little boy and that he was due in February and were we interested! She admitted she was trembling when she picked up the phone to call us and still was and said she had no idea what to do next.
She was trembling...
we were fairly giddy with excitement! We told her not to worry because we knew what to do.
We had our adoption profile completed with the exception of writing the "Dear Birthmother" letter. We hadn't done them yet because we had never been able to come up with the right words, but now the words flowed freely. It is so much easier pouring out your heart to an actual person than some generic faceless entity. We put our letters with our profile, took it over to Tanya the next day who graciously mailed it for us.
Then the hard part began...waiting. Would she choose us? Were we what she was looking for? Was she holding up emotionally? Were we good enough? How hard was this for her? Was her family supportive or was she alone in this? The questions that ran through my mind were endless. I tried not to think about it, but it was nearly impossible. It was almost all I thought about! We prayed for her, for the baby, for God's will in this, and for our hearts should this not be the baby God had for us. I distinctly remember being grateful that she had chosen to give this child
life.
Several weeks later, we talked to Tanya and she said she broke down asked her sister if she knew anything. Tanya told her, "I don't know how Kim and Ed are holding up, but the suspense is killing
me!" Her sister told her that the birthmother had narrowed it down and that she wanted to talk to us on the phone. We set up a time for her to call us.
Hubby and I sat on our bed, each with a phone, awaiting the call and holding hands. Finally the phone rang and we got to talk with
Becky. We chatted casually for a bit and then she asked us some questions, we asked her some questions, and if it was a little awkward, she made us feel very comfortable. Though we weren't really expecting a final decision from her yet, she gave us the joyous news that she had chosen us to parent her baby and from now on we could consider this baby ours! There is no way I can possibly describe the emotion I experienced at that moment. Ed and I were again holding hands and looking at each other, both trying not to cry but not succeeding very well.
To keep a long story from being even longer, we talked off and on with Becky for the next couple months, flew out to meet her and her family in January, and then drove there in early February for the birth. She was so sweet to let me be present during those precious moments as my son came into this world. How did she endure the congratulations that the doctor and nurses were giving
me?
I often hear people make the comment that they could never do what she did, give up their own flesh and blood and someone they love so much. I always point out that that's what makes it such pure, unadulterated love. What she did was not to satisfy herself but to do the best for her baby. We love her wholeheartedly and are tremendously grateful for her priceless gift to us.
Becky, I know you read this blog, and, as always, I hope this post brings only joy and peace to your heart. There aren't many things in life I'm certain of, but I KNOW God brought us together, and it gives me comfort that you know it too!
